Like we never loved at all
by CSIslave
Summary: I'm depressed right now, and the result is a depressing fic. Troy and Ryan


A/N: In a depressing mood… so here's a song fic about Troy and Ryan. The song is "Like we Never Loved at All" by Faith Hill.

_Italics_ are thoughts or flashbacks

**_Bold italics _**are the lyrics

* * *

Ryan couldn't believe school had ended a week ago. He didn't really know how to exist without the safe surroundings of cliques he knew wouldn't bother him, without the shadow of his sister to hide in. But now at 18, Ryan was finally learning how to live without the consistency of school. There was only one little thing he missed, and that was Troy Bolton. Ryan had loved Troy since sixth grade, and even dated him for almost the entire senior year. But when school had come closer to ending, Troy had invited Ryan over just as he normally did. But the second he stepped into Troy's room, Ryan knew what was happening.

"_Ryan… we need to talk."_

"_Troy, come on…"_

"_This needs to end." Ryan sat on the bed beside Troy, kissing him._

"_You don't mean that."_

"_Dammit, Ryan, I do! I mean, they're never going to let me be on basketball teams if I'm gay. I mean, they will... but the other guys will never leave me alone! And I'm staying in town, so everyone would know." Troy turned, but not soon enough to hide the tears from Ryan. "I don't need you, Ryan." His voice was as cold as steel, and Ryan's heart broke in two. "Please just go."_

"_Troy… c'mon. We don't need to tell anyone about us. I love you. And you said you loved me."_

"_Well, I can't anymore Ryan. So why don't you just get the fuck out and find another boyfriend?" Ryan couldn't breathe; he felt as if the world was falling down on him. He ran from the room, gasping for breath._

Ryan had tried to stop thinking about the only person he had ever loved, and had done a pretty damn good job.

Until the night before.

_**You never looked so good  
as you did last night,  
underneath the city lights,  
there walking with your friend,  
laughing at the moon.  
I swear you looked right through me.  
But I'm still living with your goodbye,  
and you're just going on with your life.**_

Ryan could still picture Troy's head tossed back, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he laughed. In Ryan's place was a girl that he had never met. He had stopped in his tracks, staring at the couple, his eyes welling up and his kneed threatening to give. And then Troy had turned his head, looking at Ryan. Just as quickly as their eyes met, Troy ripped his gaze away from the broken-hearted mess he had created just weeks ago and continued to walk.

**_How can you just walk on by  
without one tear in your eye?  
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?  
Maybe that's just your way  
of dealing with the pain,  
forgetting everything  
between our rise and fall  
like we never loved at all._**

Ryan bit his pillow, the tears flowing down his face again. Troy loved him. He knew it. So why was he doing this to him?

* * *

Ryan stared wearily into his cup of coffee. There were hardly any other people in the shop, so Ryan took a table near the back, facing away from the door. The bell jingled as someone walked in, but he didn't bother to turn around. He could tell by the giggles that it was two girls. They sat behind him, not bothering to keep their voices down.

"His name's Troy. Troy Bolton." She laughed loudly. "Can you imagine? Cecile Bolton… that would be amazing."

"Cecile, you're so bad," her friend laughed. Ryan glanced over his shoulder, recognizing the girl from the night before with a pang in his heart.

"Anyway, he is so amazing. He's funny… and handsome. He just got onto the college basketball team, and I've watched him practice. He's amazing." Ryan couldn't take it anymore… a year ago, he'd been writing these words in his journal; Troy hadn't wanted him to tell anyone. Throwing money on the table, the rushed out the door, the tears already stinging his eyes.

**_You, I hear you're doing fine.  
Seems like you're doing well  
as far as I can tell.  
Time is leaving us behind,  
another week has passed  
and still I haven't laughed yet.  
So tell me, what your secret is  
to letting go, letting go like you did,  
like you did._**

He let the door to the shop swing close behind him, walking as quickly as he could. Blinded by his tears, he ran into someone entering the shop. He looked up and immediately wished he hadn't. He'd forgotten how blue those eyes were… he stared at Troy, speechless. Troy appeared to be the same. Ryan even thought he saw a flash of pain in his eyes. But then Troy just nodded at him, brushing past him. Ryan couldn't help but turn and watch as he sat down, greeting the girl with a kiss.

**_How can you just walk on by  
without one tear in your eye?  
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?  
Maybe that's just your way  
of dealing with the pain,  
forgetting everything  
between our rise and fall  
like we never loved at all._**

_He used to do that with me_, Ryan smiled at the pictures he hadn't had the heart to remove from his wall. Pictures of Troy were still scattered thorough his room. Ryan had put his favorite next to his bed. They were both wearing a light blue. Ryan was laughing at something, he couldn't remember what, and staring straight into the camera, his arms wrapped around Troy. Troy, however, was staring at Ryan, his eyes glowing with love, a tender smile on his face. Ryan gently touched the picture, thinking back to that day. They had truly had something… and Troy didn't care about it.

_**Did you forget the magic?  
Did you forget the passion?  
Oh, and did you ever miss me,  
and long to kiss me?  
Oh baby, baby.**_

Suddenly furious with himself, Ryan ripped the picture down, throwing it to the ground. Running around his room, Ryan shredded every piece of Troy Bolton from his life, hot angry tears flowing down his cheeks. Drained, Ryan fell into the small pile of pictures. Finding the one that used to be by his bed, Ryan took it and looked at it one last time. She stared at his bed, remembering what Troy had once said when he sat there.

_"Ryan… I don't know how to put this. I've never felt this way… you know? And I love you. I love you so much, Ryan, and I want to be with you forever."_

_"Forever?" Ryan snuggled into Troy's chest, listening to his heart beat._

_"Forever. I will never leave you, do you hear me Ryan? You're my life…and I love you so much. I'll never hurt you, I promise, Ry, I promise…"_

Hands shaking, Ryan took a book of matches from his desk, lighting the edge of the picture on fire. He tossed it out his window, watched as it hit the street and went out. He didn't care that it hadn't burned all the way; let the cars run over it. It wasn't worth anything.

Troy walked down the street, his arm wrapped tightly around Cecile, his new girlfriend. A car zoomed by, creating a gust of wind. Troy shivered against it, and then noticed that it had blown something to his feet. Kneeling over as Cecile talked with her friend, Troy saw Ryan's smiling face and his own. Troy could still remember that time… when he'd had eyes for only Ryan. Troy wasn't strong, though. Not strong like Ryan, who would have given anything for Troy. In the end, Troy couldn't say the same. He stared up at the house he now recognized as Ryan's and saw the other boy sitting in his window, his body shaking, and his head in his hands. It made Troy's soul ache with a pain he'd never felt before. Ryan took his head out of his hands to wipe his tears and Troy's heart jumped when the other boy saw him. Neither of them moved. Then Troy, never breaking eye contact with Ryan, kissed the picture gently and slipped it into his pocket._ I love you, Ry,_ Troy thought, wrapping his arm back around his new life and walking slowly away.

_**Maybe that's just your way  
of dealing with the pain,  
forgetting everything  
between our rise and fall  
like we never loved at all.**_


End file.
